you + me = us = healthy relationships
Updated: Jul 13
I always feel better after I go to work. I feel better every day I have an exchange with someone who comes through my door. I always learn some thing. The teacher becomes the student. The student becomes the teacher. There is zero hierarchy or authority of me knowing more than them - it's about a cooperation and a co-creation and an exchange.
I might know more about anatomy and which foods have which vitamins, but they are the experts of their own body. Together, we can create an uplifting change in mind, body, and spirit.
Me + You = Us. I think this is the formula for a healthy relationship.
People often comment on how great of a couple my husband and I are. And it makes me feel so good (because it's true) and I also know that it wasn't by chance, it was by choice. I try to explain how dedicated I was to making sure I felt whole and complete first, in a relationship with myself and my higher self; how I was reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay in bite sized chunks multiple times a day and then really stepping into what that would be like for me.
I never say "I guess I just got lucky." I had a clear vision and I believed I was worthy of having it. I created it in my mind and in my heart and I felt what it would feel like. I promised myself I would always show up for that dream when it came true.
Turns out, he had been doing his own version of the same thing. He also came to the table with the belief that "the first little while might be challenging, but it's only going to get better." I knew I could be with someone who had that belief. It did take awhile to get our sea legs and I do think it keeps getting better.
If you are clear on what matters the most, what's non negotiable for your heart and soul, and you stay true to yourself, you can let the details just be details. Best to keep an eagle's eye view of the big picture and not sweat the small stuff.
I am clear + He is clear = We are clear
I think this is what healthy relationships are all about. Whether it's in romantic relationships, work, family, or friendships, a healthy relationship is when both people feel like it's a win-win.
The daily dance is not depending on them to complete you (co-dependency) nor depending on your self without being vulnerable (being an island, thinking you're better) but rather cooperating where both of you feel stronger together through an exchange and a bond of self respect and self love.
When I'm having friction with someone, it's usually because I think I know more or am better or I think they know more or are better. And this usually happens when I'm tired or stressed. It's up to me, not them, to take care of myself and do what I need to do. When I change, everything changes. When I adjust, everything adjusts. When I'm rested and nourished, things are easier.
In her over-50-million-copies-sold book, Louise Hay says every problem you think you have in your life is rooted in a lack of self love and when we fully love ourselves, everything in our life works. We have to do our work to foster that relationship with our self before we can fully show up for someone else.
How do you relate with you in a relationship with your self?
That's where it starts.. with being in a good relationship with yourself, in good company with yourself, in good rapport with yourself - honest, respectful, and loving with yourself first. Then you pair up with someone who is being the same and the dynamic you create together makes the world a better place.
You can only give what you first have yourself. What you send out is what you'll get back.
Remember that you are the creator of your reality and that love is the essence of all creation. May you have supportive, uplifting, nourishing relationships with your friends, your teammates, your co-workers, your neighbors, your partners, your clients, your teachers, your students, chance encounters and... your self.
I don't mean to sound like I know it all, but I can confidently say I'm having a great experience. Maybe something different works for you. Awesome. All I know is when I come back to that you + me = us formula, I feel a lot of love in my heart and I hope you do, too.